How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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