I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
