he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
