ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
