There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
