you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
