so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
