i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
