you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
