How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
