and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
