There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
