so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
