Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
