Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
