i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
