Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
