i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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