I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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