I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
