I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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