This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
