After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
