woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
