i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
