You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you didnt know i had herpes?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My life is pants optional.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
