i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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