Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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