and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
