I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
