I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
