Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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