I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
