he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
