I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
