Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize