I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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