woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
