I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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