my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
