best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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