if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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