I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
