we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
