Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
