That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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