This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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