Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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