My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
