I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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