ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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