Your face is a jimmy john
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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