Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
