I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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